The First 2016 Presidential Debate

So I just got to watching the replay of the first 2016 Presidential Debate...

Round 1: First Impressions

• Mike Enriquez and Jessica Soho are very good emceeing the Miss Universe... oh wait this is the presidential debate?! -My bad
• Very soon-to-be ex-VP Binay is the very caricature of those evil rich-political villains in our telenovelas, so comically corrupt, that we are already used to their brand of logic so we just watch the show to laugh at the plot.
• Miriam Defensor is that bombastic speaker hungry for the best debater prize: aggressive during her turn and the devil's advocate during rebuttal. Might have been brilliant in UP Diliman, and still tolerable in the Senate (though it's getting, ehem, "shrilly high voice"), but maybe not that effective for the Office of the President?
• Mayor of BAMFao Duterte lives up to his reputation. His rebellion with the traditions of a debate was shown by his answers that sounds suggestive but otherwise made no sense, rebuttals that somehow makes their way to drop Miriam Defensor's name. I have only one question, if you outlawed smoking, what the hell were you smoking before the event?
• WAIT WAIT Mike Enriquez don't you understand only 1 question per turn??? 
• Oh I believe Grace Poe when she says she's a motherly teacher. She's incredibly boring, delivers a nauseatingly patronizing voice tone, and throws cringingly awkward teen pop culture. Supreme Court should check her Birth Certificate and make sure she's not born in 1948.
• Mike Enriquez: Only two females are running for President, and the bitchiest of them all is Mar Roxas. Seriously Mar, lessen the sass!
• Wait, where's the opening statement???

Round 2: Sayang Moments

• Poe (vs Binay): Girl, it's not your turn to answer the question! She should've asked why CARP needs to be scrapped or continued (seriously I can't make out if he's for or against it) and what's wrong with the current irrigation fees. And for bonus she should've inquired where the palay and farms in Makati went, were they accidentally cemented in his 1-billion parking lot? hahahahaha
• Defensor (vs Poe): nice counter from Sen. Poe. Note she didn't answer the question (where will she got the funds for her promises?), but instead taking out her "I'm young and have new ideas" defense tactic that turned the rebuttal back to the sour whining old woman in the other side. Sadly, with the power of Youtube we are able to replay the question, where will you get the money?
• Roxas (vs Defensor): STUPID ROXAS RUINED THIS DEBATE. This is the closest in the history of the 5th republic we get to talk about class warfare. Sen. Miriam proposed appropriating most of the budget to the basic needs of the rural poor, BUT also in favour of tax cuts by abolishing Real Estate taxes and/or Property taxes - obviously leading to the "trickle-down economics". This would've been the best opportunity to ask economic conservatives how, instead of raising the tax which would directly increase government funds, they would rather wait for the private sector to expand, "trickling down revenue to the poor" by giving more jobs with less tax burdens. Mr. EPALengke spent his rebuttal advertising the current Daan Matuwid instead (the question was the rise of GDP was clearly not felt by most Filipinos, dummy), prompting the most controversial quote from the Sen. "should we tax the rich just because they are richer?"
• Duterte (vs Roxas): Two lovebirds dancing in the same old song. This would've been the best opportunity to discuss Climate Change and what were the agreements and further actions at COP21 in Paris late last year. Shucks, even the mining industry that is supposedly supporting Mar's aerial transpo would've been a pollution and lumad-bullying trump card for Duterte here. Of course I doubt his knowledge goes in that level, so his only talking point totally destroyed the original question, where the hell are the fishes???
• Binay (vs Duterte): These are Beavis and Butthead over here. We all know we wanted it to stop you dufus duo. Why not discuss the current foreign trade policies where we stupidly import rice while we have a plethora of our own? And how come we cannot compete with the produce from Vietname, China and Thailand? Will this worsen when we join the ASEAN integration and Trans-Pacific Partnership? And will the popular Full-Foreign Ownership really kill the oligarchs, but also the farmers? And HOW HOW HOW will you....?!?!?!?!? Or you know what, maybe they are under the protection of this businesses, so in that case, well-played, you dufus duo.

Round 3: Not-really-about-Mindanao Issues

• A round of applause for Mayor Duterte for opening the possibility of Federalism, which is supposedly more polarizing and alarming school of thought than China and US or whatever... Don't you get it, Manila, we are trying so much to separate from you!?!? After this, it would be a call for secession, or destruction of the imperial capital like what happened in Phnom Penh. At least give us the dignity of acknowledging our grievances, which was the total opposite of what Manila-boy Mar Roxas did. Wow, that was anti-climactic, and a little condescending too. "Hey we gave you more money than before, and sure we'll get that bridge WHEREVER TOWN THAT'S IN"... Oh and by the way Mar Roxas, that Laguindingan Aiport was under construction since 10 years ago by Lord Voldemort, I mean Pres. Gloria Arroyo. So you don't get to count that in your 260 Billion Pesos.